actually uh. this isn't the grulovia shrine. sorry i'll work on that eventually. for now though here is my onion (opinion) on all of the different gristols cus im bored in class with nothing better to do. click the site logo to go home.
gzesaverich gristol malik - i hate this kid like actually. he's so funny in mem-vaults but i genuinely want to hit him with a semi going at 200mph. his voice makes me feel like gripping and pulling on my imaginary mustache a la compton boole. literally whenever i play cruller's correspondence and go over there i mute the voice audio. this kid makes me so irrationally angry. -100/10 i hate this kid.
nick johnsmith - i wanna push him off of a flight of stairs. this guy thinks hes soooo slick. "everybody loves nick" not me. what did he do to deserve this positive reputation. there is no way this guy is just sooooo good at sorting mail. had to have been a bribe because there is no way HOLLIS FORSYTHE likes this freak. i do think it would've been great to see him mentor raz instead of being in a box. oh well. a guy can dream. 2/10 he's. mhm..
"gruman" - i did not name him that trust that is his name in the files. this thing killed my entire family. he's actually so bad at being truman it's honestly laughable. i would give him bonus points for being in truman's body (he is the same height as a mother) but i won't because that cannot save his horrible performance. this thing scares me. -5/10 you suck.
helmut in his body - hey guys i actually just remembered to add this one. well not really i thought about it like a week ago but that's not important right now. anyway. does this actually count? uhhh whatever. he's kind of funny. i keep forgetting about this guy because i saw the one part where helmut was going to kiss bob in this body and i haven't even glanced at that exchange ever since. it is actual psychological warfare to see helmut fullbear say sweet nothings to his husband in this body. it is actually nightmarish. this scares me more than gruman. i am mortified by the existence and actions of this creature. 0/10 this is the second highest ranking on the list. and i had all that to say. this is only ranked so high because the cutscenes with this thing in the mailroom were pretty funny to me.
gzar gristol malik - dude fuck this guy. he's my favorite iteration of gristol but i will kill him. he's so silly looking and actually cute in like the i want to squeeze his cheeks until they lose blood circulation and fall off. this pic saved my life. sorry i sound so. weird guys um. i hope he falls into a meat grinder/woodchipper/whatever. i feel like if i talk about this dude for too long i'll throw up. -1000/10 best psychonauts character.
